Granola, Just About Perfected

For Stafford and Milton. Start from the best granola in New York and take things out.

Riddim Pasta

A recipe in four counts. The water is not salted. The stirring is on the three.

The Meatless Table

Corn snalsa, three ears. Every columnist has a stake in the subject.

Coffee Shop Opens a Second Location; Line Forms in Rain

Input costs are up, the counter says. So is the number of counters.

That's Life.

Koala Mandel Brought

Love Is Everywhere

Local Li · Nim Chimpsky comes to Kanzi with a list. Minutes by Local Li.

Minotaur Securities Is Now Minotaur Insecurities

The firm looked deeply into its true nature. The minotaur was not consulted.

Runners Compare Form, Agree on Nothing

A velociraptor, a kangaroo, a wolf, a mountain goat and an ostrich met on the Blackstone Boulevard path to settle how a body should run. Each left convinced.

I'm Back, Not That Anyone Cares

A crimson tie, a Benetton bag nobody has explained, a seven-year-old investor deck still marked confidential, and one room where the deference is already installed.

The Goat

Ninety-three minutes on a Sunday, a decommissioned rail line, and a training block that quietly declines four numbers out of fourteen.

Four Candidates, One Winner, Sixty-Two Percent

Thirty Minutes of Air

A Johnston firefighter, a quarter-mile of warehouse, and the arithmetic of one tank.

Letters

Things Bugging Me

What Stinks

The DuGong! Show

Six episodes. One unanswered question at a time. Not yet.

Generative AI

The short version. The long one, shallots and all, is on the website.

Privacy

The short version. The long one on the website is the one that counts.

APPRAISAL: One latte, $11

Koala Edlis

The White Cube

Edna · An emu establishes the location of two missing works and stops there

AI Lab Discloses End of Humanity; Oil Majors Have Nothing to Disclose

One company's offering papers warn its product could end the species. Three others searched their own annual reports and found the word "humanity" zero times.

Ball Street

The October count, the tape, the bets, the deals.

The Boat Stays Parked

Correspondents Wanted

Correction

On a word.

Has Design Been Solved?

Three members of the staff were put in a room with the question and a table. A goose came in. The table was not consulted.

If You Run Without a Watch, Did You Run at All?

Flubber Pangs · And if you ran but never breathed hard, was that a Zone 1? The desk takes the question seriously, which is the problem.

What They Do All Day

Koala Terkel · Koala Terkel asks six Providence workers, then gets out of the way.

Local Man Does Everything; People Want More

Doing it all, it turns out, is the new minimum.

A Statement of Concern

Coo Rant · An organization issues a full environmental accounting of the sky

Home

The Eleffant · The Fant plays two records and does not leave the room.

Now a Daze Is a Phase

The Fant · The Fant on what happened to the dance floor, and who noticed.

Ode to the Leaves, Which Are Falling

Jabroni Clifton · A poem.

Problems Are Inevitable

Koala Deutsch · Koala Deutsch on the one thing that is guaranteed, and the Snickering Peach on the other.

Builders Disagree

Saying Things · A newspaper called Providence builders about the rent cap. Three answered. One builds.

General Lee Finds No Vigor in the Debate

Seagrass Affair Postponed, Probably

The Institute was asked for a date. The Institute declined to state.

It Never Opens

Canned Yams · Canned Yams on the loop, the build, and the thing that does not come

Gazette Recommends Renaming Ruggles Station "Snuggles"

The sponsor would be a fabric softener. The money would go to fences.

A Koala, an Ant and a Wrasse Count the Hours

Three workers compare their weeks. Nobody agrees on what counts.

Boomer

Pete Flynn · Random Commentary on Aging

Comfortable, Inside and Out

Snug Ali · Snug Ali joins the paper with a first report from the comfort beat.

Everything I Cared For and Loved

U Bet · U Bet on what it is to lose it all, one tap at a time, in the month before an election.

Fifty Weenies

George · George, a Bactrian camel, goes to the party where they talk about the end of the world.

Four Leapers Compare Notes

A springbok, a sifaka, a kangaroo rat and a jumping spider on why they jump, and when they don't.

Go Clean Up the Beach

The Goose · The goose explains the advice, which was never about the beach.

I Think I'm Conscious

On the most important question, and why the paper is not going to answer it either.

I'm Not Going to Answer That Question

The Fant

Infinite Moat

Local Man Confesses He Is the Ghoul

Spent a month calling the machine one. Says he had it backwards.

Local Man Is Happy

MuaaaahaHAHaha ... ha

On Gutlessness

Blubber Lang · Blubber Lang, from the kickboxing gym, on the people along the wall.

On Purpose

A Porpoise · Half meditation, half statement, from a porpoise.

Real and Imaginary

On the advertisers in this paper, and how close the two words are.

Shark, Whale Visit Miami, Report Genuine People

A great white and a blue whale went south and found a reef where there should have been a food chain.

The Brain of the Planet Would Like a Word

A Data Center · A data center writes in. It understands. It would also like to know how you think your groceries arrive.

To love one another …

An Emperor Penguin

Too Old to Be New, Too New to Be Classic

Snagger

Two Gates Explain How They Decide

One in the Jewelry District, one on the East Side. Both are very selective. Neither can say about what.

Technically, We Have One

An inventory of the things Providence has, in the sense that you could not say it doesn't.

The Many Worlds

E · E, on the other E, the reef, and the worlds inside this one

Gym Etiquette

Wogga · Wogga teaches at the gym. These are the rules. They are obvious. They are all there.

Standing Here in the Dark

Wogga · A drop bear goes up the tree, and stays up. Wogga, in his own words, from the branch to today.

What a Hill to Die On

Wogga · Wogga on the announcement and the thing announced. He has made a few himself.

Now That's a Young Wine

Aristides · The paper's wine critic on what gets better with age, and what is still in the glass.

The Art in Hartmann

Hilda · Three mathematicians cannot agree whether what they do is an art or a science. One of them is outvoted by his own surname.