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Quackery Gazette

Providence, Rhode Island — where the livelihood of 195,000 residents rests solely on saying things.
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Page One Business Issue III

Business

Minotaur Securities Is Now Minotaur Insecurities

The firm looked deeply into its true nature. The minotaur was not consulted.

PROVIDENCE — Minotaur Securities has changed its name to Minotaur Insecurities, effective at the close.

The firm said the decision followed a period of looking deeply into its true nature. The looking was done by the luv dove, who runs the firm.

The myth is well known and the firm does not dispute it. There is a minotaur in the labyrinth. It roams. It is stuck there. And it runs the place: it owns the labyrinth outright, which is to say it holds the deed to a place it cannot leave. Minotaur keeps the theses it acquires in there. The latest, from We're All Gonna Die Capital, went in last week and has not been seen since.

To mark the new name, the firm hosted the first meeting of a social group for minotaurs, in the conference room, chairs in a circle, door left open.

They talked about being lost. About going around in circles and finding themselves back in the same place, in the same halls, afraid. Each one talked about his own maze. Each one had assumed he was the only one with a maze.

Somewhere in the talking, a door opened. Nobody could say afterward which minotaur had said the thing that opened it. Through it, they could see out.

A program that teaches mindfulness inside prisons describes the same thing from the other side. Walk in past the bars, they say, and you meet people who do not look or act like prisoners. They are, in the way that counts, free. Walk back out, and you pass people who look free and are not. They are behind their own bars.

The minotaurs agreed to meet again. Nobody wanted to leave first.

The firm's positions are unchanged. It remains short inspiration and long getting together.