Kenneth Griffey Jr., no relation to the ballplayer, was named Head of Baseball at the company on Wednesday, hours after sending this paper an unsolicited set of swing mechanics for a job that had not been advertised.

The appointment reverses the Gazette's only other hiring decision of the week. Jim Brainpower, who submitted a resume, a CV and a portfolio for a position that did exist, took a job at Meta instead. Three documents were required of him and none of Griffey, who applied for nothing.

Griffey is now hiring for the position of Quantum Mechanical Baseball. The listing consists of the position name. It carries no requirements and no reporting line, and Griffey has said that anyone who needs the description has disqualified themselves by needing it.

He is convinced, on the strength of a podcast, that baseballs are in superposition with other baseballs. He did not read anything. The Gazette does not fact-check its own Head of Baseball, and considers the conviction itself to be the qualification, as it considered the swing mechanics.

Griffey has been seen in a batting helmet with nine branches. The earflap cannot take the load and the helmet cannot be slid in. He has not been seen to bat.