To the Editor:

I have known Lance Uppercut for some time. I would like to say plainly, and without anyone having asked me to, that Lance is not a racist.

I say this as someone who is in a position to know. I am in the water a great deal and I hear things.

— Pat, Enormous Manatee, Providence

To the Editor:

I accept Mr. Pat's account in full. I have no reason to doubt his standing in the water or the quality of what reaches him there.

I would only observe that if Lance Uppercut is not a racist, then nothing is a racist, and the word may be retired at the convenience of this newspaper.

— Abe, Koala, Ward 3

To the Editor:

Regarding the above, nobody nose.

Separately, is the sports desk shared or is it mine. I have been told both. Also I have a bar opening downtown called Homomorphism, which is a math word, and I would like to advertise it in this section if that is allowed.

— Lance Uppercut, Intern