Dear Ah and Um, My girlfriend has been upset for four days and says nothing is wrong. I have asked three times. — Fox Point

AH: ASK HER AGAIN. A fourth time. Clearly, with your whole chest, in a room with the television off. Communication is the foundation of every functioning partnership and there is no substitute for the direct question. ASK HER.

UM: Um. You know what it is. (snickers)

Dear Ah and Um, I've been offered a job in Chicago. My partner's whole family is here. We have been going back and forth for two months. — Elmwood

AH: MAKE A LIST. Two columns. Career on one, family on the other, weight each item one to five, add them up. Whatever the paper says is your answer — and the beauty of it is you will not have been the one who decided.

UM: Um. You already took the job. (snickers)

Dear Ah and Um, Eleven years. Not married. He says he doesn't see the point of a piece of paper. I have stopped bringing it up. — Olneyville

AH: MARRIAGE IS A LEGAL INSTRUMENT AND ALSO A DECLARATION. Both at once! Tell him the paper matters to you and see what he says. Be direct. Be brave. HONK.

UM: Um. He knows the point. (long snicker)